


Everything to Live For

by Gee_Wayspiritanimal



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:33:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23798527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gee_Wayspiritanimal/pseuds/Gee_Wayspiritanimal
Summary: Steve and Bucky are madly in love. Bucky dies and Steve feels as if he has nothing to live for.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Kudos: 7





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter will skip scenes, but the rest of the chapters will be different.

Steve and Bucky have been best pals since they can remember, but that friendship soon turned into something more. They were both afraid to speak on it given that it was odd and unusual. Something that they both thought would happen to a special woman in their life. That was not the case, however.  
On Steve’s eighteenth birthday, they sat under the fireworks and laughed together. Steve had a coughing fit and Bucky was right there with him making sure he was alright. Bucky looked so beautiful, hovering over Steve, the bright flashing lights booming all around him. He didn’t mean to say it, it just slipped out. Those simple words that mean so much. “I’m so in love with you.” Bucky moved away slightly, mouth gaping. “You do?” Bucky asks astonished.  
“I-I I do, but I didn’t mean to tell ya that.”  
“I’m so glad you did. I love you too Pal.”  
“You do?”  
“Yeah. I do. Let’s go home.”  
Both boys jump up, heading to their safe ground, their home. The one they made together. After that day, their home meant even more. It became a place they could be themselves and show each other love. Unlike outside their home, where if they stood to close together they would be judged. 

*******

A couple of years later, the war came. Both men enlisted to serve their country and hoped to be put together. Bucky wanted Steve to stay home, but he knew Steve to well. He knew Steve wouldn’t give up trying. Bucky got excepted and Steve tried tirelessly to join as well. After being turned down time after time, Dr. Erskine found him and he was finally excepted. He rushed home to tell Bucky the great news. Bucky just shook his head and kissed his forehead.

******

Bucky went off to boot camp before Steve did. Steve missed him dearly, but at his time away at boot camp, he grew exceptionally close with Peggy Carter, or Agent Carter he should say. After Steve took the serum and Dr. Erskine was killed, Peggy and Steve and a deep talk about everything that Steve was supposed to be. Steve opened up about himself and decided he trusted Agent Carter more than anyone, except Bucky of course. 

*****  
When Peggy told Steve about the 107th being captured he knew he had to leave. He had to save the love of his life, he couldn’t be this new powerful man and not save his love. He couldn’t waste his strength on being a show monkey anymore.  
Peggy wasn’t so sure about Steve going alone, and Steve started freaking out. He had to leave and now! So he slipped up and told her about how he loved Bucky. She immediately went to Stark to get themselves a pilot. 

When Steve found Bucky he almost cried. Seeing him made him feel pure joy, but the state he was in left Steve in sorrow. When Bucky started coming to, he asked Steve all sorts of questions about his new body, and of course, he flirted with the captain the whole time. The blonde had never missed Bucky that much at that point, even though he was standing right next to him.

***** 

Steve had now proved himself and earned the respect of his commanders. Bucky couldn’t be any prouder of the man, he once knew as the skinny boy from Brooklyn. The night Steve set up his team of The Howling Commandos, the pair ran into Agent Carter. Peggy saw the way the two men interacted with one another. The loving glances, the small actions they did when they thought no one was looking, how they were refraining from showing their love to each other. She knew that even if Steve didn't tell her they were an item, that she would have figured it out herself eventually. So she came up with a plan and confronted the pair. She figured if people thought she and Steve were a couple, they would lay off the idea of Bucky and Steve being an item. They liked the idea and from then on Peggy and Steve would be seen on the base holding hands and sending cute little notes to one another. Even though people told them how annoying they were being, they all thought it was very cute. It was a great cover.

*****

The Howling Commandos went on countless missions together, and eventually, they all figured out that Bucky and Steve were in love. They cracked jokes about the two swore to never tell a single soul. They asked about Agent Carter and if she knew. To which they told them she did and about their cover-up. Out in the middle of nowhere, with now their closest friends, the couple could show their love all of the time. The rest of the commandos would tease them, saying things like ‘Get a room’ to which they would reply ‘we will’ with a wink, and the group would groan. 

*****

“Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone at Coney Island?” Bucky asks.  
“Yeah, and I threw up.”  
“This isn’t payback is it?”  
“And why would I do that?”

“We were right Dr. Zola’s on the train. Hydra dispatcher gave him permission to open up the throttle. Wherever he’s going they must need him bad,” Jones informs.  
“Let’s get going they’re moving like the devil.”  
“We only got about a ten-second window. You miss that window, we’re bugs on a windshield.” Steve announces preparing to zip across to the train.  
“Mind the gap.”  
“Better get moving, bugs,” says Dum Dum.

Steve, Bucky, and Jones zipline across and onto the train. Bucky and Steve climb into the train and Jones stays on top. Not soon after, they get locked into separate rooms, and into a shooting match with Hydra. Captain soon kills the hydra man in his cart and runs to go help Bucky. Steve helps Bucky with the man shooting at his love.  
“I had him on the ropes,” Bucky says. Reminding Steve of all the times he always told Bucky the same, after he would save him time and time again.  
“I know you did.”

The man Steve thought he killed comes up behind him and starts to shoot at them.  
“Get down!” Steve yells and holds up his shield. The blast opens up the side of the train and blows Steve and Bucky away from one another. The Hydra man shoots at Bucky who picks up the shield. The force from the blast blows Bucky right out the side of the train. Steve throws his shield at the man, knocking him down and runs to save his love.  
“Hang on my love! Grab my hand!” Steve reaches out, but the rail gives and Bucky falls. Steve watches the love of his life fall to his death. Greif overtakes Steve. Captain sits down in the train cart grieving, and that’s how Jones finds him with Zola by his side. “Where’s Bucky?”  
And that’s when Steve starts to sob.

***** 

Red Skull grabs the infinity stone and disappears. Captain runs to the control panel and tries to figure out how to stop the plane, and he gets a radio signal from Peggy.  
“Give me your coordinates and I’ll try and find you a safe landing site.”  
“There’s not gonna be a safe landing. But I can try and force it down.”  
“I’ll get Howard on the line he’ll know what to do.”  
“There’s not enough time. This thing’s movin’ to fast and it’s headed for New York.” Steve takes a pause and says, “I gotta put her in the water.”  
“Please don’t do this. We have time we can work it out.”  
“Right now I’m in the middle of nowhere if we wait any longer a lot of people are gonna die.” “... Peggy this is my choice,” Steve says.  
“But Steve! You don’t have to die!”  
“I know, but I don’t have anything to live for.”  
Static.


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems kind of rushed but that's because I wanted focus on the story of Bucky and Steve.

Steve wakes up in a hospital room and a nurse walks in not long after.  
“Hello Mr. Rogers. How are you feeling?”  
“Where am I?”  
“Do you remember anything from before your accident?”

_Flashbacks_

_“I love your body. You’re so beautiful Stevie. I loved it before, but I was always so afraid I was gonna hurt you. Now, however, I think you’ll be puttin’ the hurtin’ on me.”_

_“Hang on!”_

_“I’ve never understood how such a deep voice could come from such a small boy. You always seem to amaze me Stevie.”_

_“Happy Birthday Stevie!”_

_“I hope you like it. I rented it for the both of us. I’m sorry I didn’t ask first, I know we were looking together. I just knew the is what we were lookin’ for.”  
“I love it Bucky. You’re the best!”_

_“Steve you gotta hang in there for me buddy. I can’t live without my best pal.”_

_“I’m with you until the end of the line.”_

“Yeah. I remember.” Steve sighs and stands up. “Now. Where am I?”

*****

Fury explains some of what is going on in the world, and asks him if he would like to be a part of the Avengers. He doesn’t feel as if he knows what else to do, so he might as well. To ease Steve back into the world Fury introduces him to a few important people to get him on the right track. The first avenger he meets is Natasha Romanoff. She is feisty and fierce. They go on a few missions together and she starts opening up to Steve a little, in return Steve tells her things that had happened in the forties. Well the parts he was awake for.  
Nat also teaches him a lot about the new world. For example: you don’t have to sit down at a restaurant you can get fast food, everyone carries their own personal cell phone, online shopping, the war on terror, our first black president, and gay marriage is now legalized in some states. That was a big shock for Steve. Even though being gay was less frowned upon it still didn’t make him comfortable to talk about it. He could trust Natasha on the battlefield, and to have his back, but he’s not too sure he can trust telling her personal things especially when it’s about his biggest secret.  
***** 

Steve met the rest of the Avengers when the attacks on New York happened. They all headed their separate ways, but all communicated with each other often. Everyone except Thor who came and went when he liked. Steve goes on more missions with Nat and he even goes to visit Peggy when he gets the chance. Because Nat doesn’t know his big secret she constantly tries to set him up with women she thinks he might be into. He thinks it’s cute, but also extremely annoying because he knows he won’t be interested in any of them.  
While living in DC he meets a man named Sam Wilson and they form a weird kind of friendship. Sam is cute, but not really his type. He’s not really sure anyone will be his type anymore even though Bucky is long gone. Plus Sam doesn’t give Steve very many gay vibes. One day Steve goes to Sam's recovery meeting and they talk about getting out of the service. “You can do whatever you wanna do. What makes you happy?” Sam asks him.  
‘Bucky.’ Steve thinks, but instead, he says, “I don’t know.”  


When Steve and Nat get in trouble with Shield/Hydra they run to Sam’s house. That’s when Steve and Sam's friendship becomes stronger. They all become a small team. To find out more information about Hydra they interrogate Jasper Sitwell. When driving with him in the car, the Winter Soldier, the man with the metal arm that killed Fury, yanks him out of the car. Sam slams on the brakes and the Winter Soldier flies off the car, then another vehicle smashes into the back of their car. Steve grabs his friends and jumps out of the car. Steve is blasted off the bridge and Nat and Sam are being shot at by Hydra. Nat jumps off the bridge and then gets in a shooting match with the Winter Soldier. She runs away and the man in the mask follows her. The Winter Soldier hits Nat with a bullet and goes to shoot her again when Cap jumps up and attacks him. Steve slams him with the shield, but the man in the mask takes it from him. He hits Steve and he falls to the ground.  
He gets a quick moment to take in the man. Steve knows those piercing blue eyes. He thinks ‘Maybe I’m just imagining.’ The fight for his life continues. The Winter Soldier is definitely an exceptional fighter. Steve grabs his shield, which had been stuck in the side of a vehicle and hits the Winter Soldier's metal arm. Then he smacks him right in the face with his shield. Steve grabs his face from behind him and flips the man, causing his masks to fall.  
He waits for the man to turn around to reveal his true identity. Steve freezes. It can’t be. How? “Bucky?”  
“Who the hell is Bucky?”  
Then Sam flies in and kicks him over. Bucky pops up and takes a shot and Steve who ducks and Nat throws an electric net onto him stunning his whole body. They all walk over to the dazed killer and the police sirens draw near. “We have to get out of here now! With him. Let’s go.” Steve is still stunned, he doesn’t even know how he should react. He thought the love of his life died even before he went into the ice. What have they done to him? Steve wanted to take down all of Hydra before, but now he knows no Hydra man will be able to stop their downfall after what they did to Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 is the exciting part, it's also where it stops being like the movies.


	3. III

Nat and Sam pick up Bucky and they all run away from the crime scene. They decide to hide in an abandoned building until the cops clear out. They know it won’t take long for the Winter Soldier to wake up so they trap his arms.  


This man is dangerous. What are we gonna do when he wakes up?” Nat asks.  


“I know him.”  


“What!” Nat and Sam say in unison surprised.  


“He’s my best friend. I’ve lived most of my life with him right by my side. I thought he was dead, but here he is.” Steve says in amazement.  


“How is he still alive? He looks amazing for his age,” Sam asks.  


“I honestly don’t know. He fell off a cliff during the war. I thought he had died then. The only thing I can think of is, that when I found him at the Hydra camp they were testing on him. The testing must have worked because he should not have survived that fall.” Steve tears up thinking about it. He should have saved him, he should have gone right to him, but he was too late. And because of that, the love of his life was gone forever, or so he thought. But here he is, alive.  


A groan comes from the side. They all look at the Winter Soldier. He looks at his restraints and seems unimpressed. “Do you know who I am?” Steve asks him as he slowly walks closer to him.  


“No,” he spits. “But I do know, I’m supposed to kill you.”  


Steve glances down at the ground and back at Bucky, “I’m not going to do you any harm. I just want you to try and remember me.” The soldier looks at him like he is odd, and Cap sighs. Then he gives him a small smile, “I’m just glad you’re alive because I can’t live without my best Pal.” Bucky shoots his head up, eyes questioning. “Do you know who I am now?”  


“No.”  


“Well, goodnight then.” With that Steve leaves and the Winter Soldier stays up deep in thought.

‘I knew him.’ He thinks. He does look familiar. Why can’t I remember him enough? He thinks and tries to remember. He tries to remember so hard that sleep overtakes him. He dreams of the times he and Steve had. He knows why he looks familiar now, it’s the man from his dreams, except they aren’t dreams they are memories.

Bucky wakes up to the sun shining in his face and Steve and Sam standing over him.  


“Hi, Bucky. Do you remember anything now?” Steve says hopefully.  


“Your mom's name is Sarah. You used to wear newspaper in your shoes,” he chuckles.  


“You remember!” Steve says excitedly.  


“Somethings, I don’t remember everything. They come up in my dreams.”  


“How sweet the killer dreams of you,” Sam teases. Bucky tenses and hangs his head in shame.  


Steve narrows in on Sam and in a strict tone says, “Do not. Talk about him ever, like that, again.”  


Sam replies, “Yes sir,” in a sharp tone meaning he got the message.  


“What else do you remember?” Steve asks hopefully.  


“Not much. I remember us trying to climb on the counter to get to the cookies your mom hid on the top shelf, but other than that I don’t remember anything else. At least not about you, I’m sorry. I will dream more and they will pop up.”  


“It’s okay Buck. I’m just glad you remember something.”  


“Me too.”

The cops and Hydra cleared out during the night, so they knew they were safe to head out of the abandoned building, but they weren’t quite too sure where to go. But they found a car and drove off anyway. “Where are we going?” Nat asked.  


Steve sighs, “I’m not sure yet. I don’t know of any hideouts they won’t think to find us.”  


“Me either they know all of my normal hideouts.”  


There is a period of silence. Bucky cuts through the silence with, “I know a place.”  


“You do?” They all ask.  


“Yeah, apparently I inherited a place in Michigan. It’s along the lake. It could be a great hideout, no one knows about it except me, and well I guess now you guys.”  


“Sounds like the best idea we’ve got.” Steve smiles at him.  


“Then North we are headed,” Sam says and makes a U-turn.

Sam switches driving with Nat after a few hours, they both sit in the front seats while Bucky and Steve are sitting in the back. Bucky looks out the window for most of the ride, and Steve looks out his window and at Bucky. His looks haven’t changed, but he is different from the person he once knew. Heck, even Steve knows that even when Bucky remembers him, he will realize Steve isn’t the same person he used to be. He tries to be the same person he once was just like Dr. Erskine told him. Steve still thinks he has the same heart, but he knows he thinks a little differently. For example, he still believes in freedom, but he knows the world has changed and that freedom is different now. He can’t imagine how Bucky must feel though. Natasha only talked a little of the Winter Soldier, mostly because she didn’t want to talk about all the horrible things she saw.  


Not long after Nat and Sam switch, Steve falls asleep. Several hours later when Nat stops for gas, the slowing of the vehicle causes Steve to wake up. He feels that Bucky is resting his head on his shoulder. He looks down at the darker haired man in awe. When did he come over to lay on me? He’s comfortable enough to do that with me? Does he remember more? Did he dream we were together and then woke up and came over to me? Steve is trying to slow his breathing and heart rate when Nat pulls into the gas station. When she gets out and shuts the door Bucky jumps awake.  


“Hey,” he says, sleep evident in his deep raspy voice.  


“Hey.”  


“Do you know where we are?”  


“Well we left about nine in the morning and it’s been four or five hours so I’d say we are either in Ohio or almost too,” Steve informs him.  


“Okay, cool. There’s a lot of country places in Ohio so we could probably stop somewhere there and get some lunch. I’m starving.”  


“Me too. I’ll let Nat know. I’m going to use the restroom.”  


“I’ll come with you, I need to go too. Plus some stretching would be nice.”  


“Alright.” Steve agrees with him, stretching does sound nice after being stuffed into the car for so long. Steve lets Bucky use the bathroom while he informs Nat that they should find a diner or something to pick up food somewhere in the country.  


After Steve uses the bathroom, he walks up to Bucky who looks like he is enjoying standing. “So how do you know so much about Ohio?”  


“Hydra had a base here, and I also was on a mission to follow someone around. His hideouts are spread out around the whole state.” Steve nods and leans against the car. “I had a dream about you while I was asleep in the car.” Steve inhales, his heart starts to race to wonder if he’s about to ask about what he thought earlier. 

“Will you clear up if it was just a dream or if it happened?”  


“Of course. If you ever have any doubts just ask me.”  


Bucky nods. “Thank you. So… did I used to set us up with dates dancing?”  
Steve laughs, thinking fondly at the memories of him and Bucky going dancing with a couple of girls together. “Yes, yes you did.”  


“I never remember any of the girls, I only remember you. You are always there in the dreams where we go dancing.”  


“Yeah, we would go on double dates. None of the girls ever liked me though, they always scrambled to you.”  


“That’s a shame.”  


“Why’s that?” Steve asks, genuinely curious.  


“They didn’t realize they could have been dancing with the man who would save the world, but instead they were dancing with a man trying to end it.” He wipes his nose and then jumps into the car. Steve stares wide-eyed at the spot that Bucky was standing. It takes him a few more moments to jump back into the car as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's starting to remember things. Yay!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first Stucky fanfiction, and I'm so excited about it. The first chapter is a lot like the First Avenger, but it will change soon!


End file.
